Dang. I forgot to get a Manscaper.

I love Bill Maher.  If you do, too, you’re in for another treat.

Sooooo, not only did I forget to get a manscaper, Bill’s piece reminded me that I don’t have a:

  • Tivo programmer
  • Liposuctionist
  • Gardener’s Personal Trainer
  • A dog whisperer
  • A look-alike
  • A private farmer
  • A hand-sanitizer dispenser lady
  • Someone to mistake me for Sharon Stone
  • A shark tank tender (you can hear the crowd not like the shark tank joke – yea!!!!!!!)

Luckily the marijuana valet, I have covered.  Just kidding.  Criminy!!

But on a more serious note: if I were a “job creator,” here are a few of the jobs that I would fund with every cent, and every breath, on every day for the rest of what I would hope to be a long and awe-filled life:

  • Farm sanctuary animal tender.
  • Captive animal rehabilitator and returner-to-the-wild (land and ocean animals).
  • Builder and tender of worldwide seapens for those animals who cannot live in the wild.
  • Inventor of all-quiet ocean vessel technology.
  • Transporter of animals from the now-closed factory farms.
  • Solar power inventor and developer.
  • Ocean plastic picker-upper.
  • General environmental cleaner-upper (on land and water).
  • Finder of how to recycle everything – yes, everything; no waste.
  • Ticket-writer for trash throwing.  Oh, and also leaving food in the grocery store in aisles other than where you picked it up, with the justification, “they pay people to put it back.”
  • Native animal and plant specialist and habitat restorer.
  • Organic farming technique (meaning, the way our grandparents’ generation farmed) teacher.
  • Shutter downer of the big pharma/AMA/insurance and Wall Street/banking/investing blocs (now, those are locks on some doors I can believe in, Ms. Bachmann).
  • Vegan nutrition counselor.
  • Exercise instructor for every senior citizen center and hospital everywhere, ensuring the availability of outside instruction, water time and focus on core strengthening.
  • Network chiropractic and gentle touch provider for all animals, not just humans.
  • Teacher of worldwide population control and sustainable living.
  • And, yes, I would love to have a personal assistant and vegan chef.  I really couldn’t leave those off, because anybody who knows me knows that I would love that.

I like my list.  I like the world that my list lives in.  In my mind, I live in that world.  And while I may not be the “job creator” that makes all that happen, I am part of the recipe for that reality.  We all are.  And I know that there are job creators out there, working right this minute on creating all of this.

Well, except maybe the last one.  I might just have to get organized and cook for myself.

A few of the people who were working on September 1, 2011 - Save Japan Dolphins Day

2 responses to “Dang. I forgot to get a Manscaper.

  1. Too funny! Love this post!

  2. Thanks, my dear! I just now realized which blog you commented on. I neeeeeed a workshop for so many aspects of this blogging etc world.

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